The dumbest headline you'll read today.

Thanks to Jesse LaGreca for the heads up on this piece of idiocy from The Daily Signal, aka "One of the heads of the Heritage Foundation Hydra":

Forcing States to Recognize Gay Marriage Could Increase Number of Abortions

In a nutshell: A reduction in the opposite-sex marriage rate means an increase in the percentage of women who are unmarried and who, according to all available data, have much higher abortion rates than married women. And based on past experience, institutionalizing same-sex marriage poses an enormous risk of reduced opposite-sex marriage rates.

Ah, yes. If more same sex couples get married, that somehow leads to fewer "opposite-sex" couples getting married, because apparently until now homosexuals have been choosing to marry people of a gender they aren't attracted to due to their lack of choices, like getting a new iPhone in "Space Gray" because "Gold" is out of stock at the Apple Store. With fewer homosexuals-pretending-to-be-heterosexuals available "on the market", this naturally means the "opposite-sex" marriage rate will go down as a result. That apparently leads to huge roving bands of horny single women prowling the landscape (which I admit would be awesome if I wasn't married myself), looking to get knocked up just so that they can undergo an emotionally scarring, uncomfortable and increasingly difficult-to-obtain medical procedure.

Or something.

With that, I present today's installment of Right Wing Mad Libs!

According to a New Study®...

will lead to


Put another way...

As an aside, you may recall that the Daily Signal is the same brain trust which came up with this work of genius by Sharyl "a stuck delete key means Obama is spying on me!" Attkisson last June.